Band bio for Colour Revolt which I don’t know how to write, and God knows I’m trying. Starting with the obvious: there’s a lot of guitars in Colour Revolt. But they’re not dumb guitars, that’s what I’m saying. It’s pretty sometimes, sure, but it doesn’t do to leave gorgeous alone, and sometimes you have to punch the blushing bride in the face, you the low-hearted puggish bridesmaid with nary a suitor. Ugly babies born with buck teeth which will fall out only to be replaced by wolf fangs. All of your children need braces, says Colour Revolt. All the dogs are better christians than we are. At best one can approximate the howl, but it isn’t worth much.

What I’m saying is, all your ugly babies will grow into baying canines who love Colour Revolt. We’ll all go to Oxford together, a city famous for its many dignified dead, and get bit by the mosquitoes that come at you like pteradactyls with all their raging prehistory. We’ll all have the same disease. All our hidden pasts, what our gandparents wrote. And it will be fun and hurt in our bones. The insects will grow fat on our blood.

And what of it? The dogs will outlive us, by God. And they deserve it. What have you ever done?
To be bludgeoned to death by sound, by music, says Colour Revolt. We have you and are not afraid.